EVENT #1

[automated]

[ a serious, clinical-sounding woman's voice will be broadcasting on all radio frequencies sometime in the middle of the afternoon. it starts with a businesslike clearing of her throat. just to make sure she has your attention. ]

Greetings, settlers. I hope you've found yourself comfortable. We have had the... honor of your presence for quite some time now, and the time has come for you to earn your place. In your respective towns, we've placed bulletin boards listing some tasks you may elect to do in exchange for pay and other necessary supplies. While these aren't mandatory... [ there's a slight sneer to her voice here. ] ...we do advise you to select at least one that you are qualified for.

Employer's names and locations can be found on their respective flyers. Please direct all inqueries to them.

[ there's a momentary pause, but the transmission doesn't quite end yet. ]

Please keep in mind that supplies are limited and will come on a first come, first earned basis. Simply put, if you want to survive this environment, there is no leeway for slacking off.

Good luck.







ORSA

Cook, Kitchen Staff
Pay: $5/h for cooks, $3/h for other positions
Acquisitions: Meals and a limited supply of water are free. Cooks receive some portable kitchenware for preparing food outside the workplace.


Town Cleanup, Street Sweeping, Housecleaning etc.
Pay: $3/h
Acquisitions: Raw materials for building and crafting.


Babysitting
Pay: $5/h
Acquisitions: Spare clothing.


Supply Gathering (food, water, weaponry, etc)
Pay: Dependent on the materials gathered, typically $10-$15 for a good haul.
Acquisitions: Some collected supplies yours to keep.




ORSUN

Water Collection
Pay: $50 per gallon
Acquisitions: Some collected water yours to keep along with a small purifier.

Food Collection:
Pay: $35 for every pound of edible vegetation, $60 for every pound of edible meat
Acquisitions: Some collected food yours to keep along with a set of hunting knives and several books of matches.

Monster Hunting
Pay: Dependent on the size of the monster terminated, but can go as high as several hundred dollars a head.
Acquisitions: Weaponry and light armor.

Cleanup, Street Sweeping & Waste Collection
Pay: $1/h
Acquisitions: If you find something useful it's yours...

Comments

audio.

[switchback]

No, see, what we need is Johnny Knoxville waking up with a lit firecracker up his ass, which is about to torch up the fuse on this huge fucking cannon that's got Wee-Man inside it. Soon as that thing gets lit he's got approximately fifteen seconds to crawl out of there before it goes off and he turns into a literal human cannonball.

So then, okay, on the other side of the room, Steve-O's chained to a chair where he's being forced to watch all his spin-off shenanigan shows and every time he so much as cracks a smile he gets electrocuted. All he has to do to get free is admit that he's a complete fucking horse's ass and they can all walk out of there safe. But you know he won't, so Wee-Man hits him with the force of a Mack truck and they both go flying into a pit of snakes that have been trained specifically to bite people in the balls until they die.

Twist ending is the rest of the crew is already down there, dead from Ballchompitis. No one survives. The credits roll. The lights come on. The audience leaves, knowing the world is a changed place forever more.

audio.

[smackdown]

...I feel like you should prob'ly be the king of a social media empire or somethin', 'cuz tha's jus' fucked.

audio.

[switchback]

That's how they do it in Hollywood now, dude. None of that pansy locked-in-a-bathroom shit. Go big or go home.

audio.

[smackdown]

So's Hollywood still a think where yer from? Cool.

audio.

[switchback]

Used to be.